That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
