His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
