ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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