i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
