Will you blow on my dice?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Just high enough for therapy.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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