OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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