Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
