wanna go halves on a baby?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
