and my herpes radar will keep us safe
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
