I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
