Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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