You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
