She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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