Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
