My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
