I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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