My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
