just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
