so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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