remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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