The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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