Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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