In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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