I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I think my vagina is haunted
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I have post one night stand depression
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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