flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
pop tarts are not kleenex
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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