oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
4 words: hood of his car
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
