I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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