Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
