Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
