i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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