I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Is it because I queefed?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
