it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
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