meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
