I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
