can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
