Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
