Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
