He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
