we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
