if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
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