Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
