I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
