you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
