i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
