Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Someone came in the potted fern
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
