At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
