found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Couch. On fire.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
