i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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