dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
