I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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