Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
