I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
