census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
