He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
